The lesbian with a leg cast

“The lesbian with a leg cast” is a story I’ve wanted to tell ever since I started this blog but I was waiting for the opportune moment. In light of my recent relationship-ish drama I think the time has come now.

When I wrote about my doomed pantsfeelings I was complaining extensively about one thing: Lucky not communicating directly with me but instead running everything through her boyfriend.

Folks: This is a bad idea! Events are misinterpreted, crucial facts omitted, biases & opinions inserted, things not passed on in their entirety and your message gets distorted beyond recognition like in a game of Chinese whispers. And that is if everybody means well.

If people don’t mean well? If they want to ruin your reputation or even if they are merely gossiping; passing on the juicy story of last night’s party, believing everything they are told without ever verifying anything at all? Then you might just find yourself being a lesbian with a leg cast. Let me tell you about her.


DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Eikaron: my own awesome self

Galaxy: a pure & innocent 15 year old girl

Black: A sexy lamp & Galaxy’s boyfriend

May: A friend. Sort of.

The Background: I met Black & Galaxy a few weeks before the lesbian incident at a house party of May and his roommates. Shortly afterwards I had my birthday party where I broke my foot and had to wear a cast up to my knee. It was bright orange. A bit after that my faculty threw a Halloween party…


 

The parties at my uni are always great so injury notwithstanding I limped my way there there. After all I didn’t want to be an outCAST haha. (Ok no more bad puns, I promise.)

So, remember the fact that I was wearing a bright orange cast, obviously walking on crutches and I think I had bleached hair at the time too (with some leftover colour) though I’m not entirely sure. In short, I was anything but inconspicuous. This did not get better when I spilled my drink (vodka & orange juice) on my thigh within the first 10 minutes. Yay! My jeans was soaked! It was really uncomfortable!

FORTUNATELY I spotted a person I knew! It was Black, the guy from the house party a few weeks ago. AND he was wearing a cowl because dress-up party! My mind did some very fast calculations – the temperatures were not exactly high anymore, I was pretty sure he’d wear something underneath. And asking didn’t hurt in any case. So I hobbled over and said something along the lines of hey, I know you from this party a few weeks ago, it’s Black right? Nice to see you again also can I borrow your costume?!

I could.

Put on cowl, took off wet jeans and put them on a heater to dry. In sum, please picture this: I was on crutches, wearing a brown monk’s habit, had a bright orange leg cast and short, presumably bleached hair. I’m pretty sure I stood out like a sore thumb.

Anyway, that was how I got talking to Black & Galaxy again. At some point it came up that they were in an open relationship. We sat on a couch together and according to Galaxy (I personally don’t recall this at all) I sat down between them which then led to some confusion on whether or not I was interested in both of them or just Black. I’m afraid I blew her off in a slightly rude way because I realized this to late although that is something she doesn’t remember so it probably wasn’t that bad.

None of us even remembers how it came up at all but in any case: Black was interested in me too so we made out; with Galaxy’s consent of course. Just as a visual – she was right next to us and obviously UNconcerned and she obviously knew what was going on because it’s pretty hard to miss your bf making out with someone else right next to you.

After a while Black & I wanted to go look for a more private location. We talked it over and agreed that Galaxy would stay downstairs where most of the party was and she’d come and get us if/when she wanted to go home because it would likely be earlier than Black wanted to leave. All good.

What happened next I only know second-hand from Galaxy because I was obviously busy elsewhere:

The moment we had left Galaxy was accosted by their mutual friend May (who is a big blabbermouth by the way) who was OUTRAGED and did she know Black just left with me? She told him it was nice that he was concerned but that they were in an open relationship and she was okay with it but he wouldn’t hear any of this and kept insisting that their relationship wouldn’t last if he was already cheating on her, that this was wrong and impossible and that “Eikaron always does this!!” With ‘this’=stealing people’s boyfriends. Asshole.

Okay, sure buddy, whatever. I don’t know for how long he ranted but she gave up trying to convince him and made out with another girl instead, figuring if we were having fun so should she. Bisexual yay!

When she wanted to go home she went looking for Black & me, found us (I’m sorry you had to search for so long!) and we all went home together.

Random Trivia: We got a ride from a uni friend who (during this) turned out to be the father of an ex-boyfriend of mine. We had actually met once before but neither of us remembered it, I only got suspicious when I heard his (very uncommon) last name.
It was a very odd night indeed.


^ The above is what actually happened which is a rather boring story compared to what other people made up afterwards.

Because 2 weeks or so afterwards I was sitting at the physics regular’s table at our bar with a bunch of people. I asked if there were any good stories from the party (because I had obviously missed most of it). I really should have known better. 
Dudebro 1 immediately launched into a story of how there was this one bitch who went off with another girl’s  (<– who was only 15!!) boyfriend and then the girlfriend made out with another girl out of REVENGE (<— because that makes perfect sense)

Um. Okay. So. Parts of this story sound familiar but you kinda got the details wrong. 

I tried to correct the story to no avail. There was a lot of slut-shaming from Dudebro 1 and Dudebro 2, who insisted it was absolutely Not Okay although he couldn’t explain why, seeing as Galaxy was cool with everything. It’s just wrong!!!!1111 

I also feel like I should point out that no one ever blamed Black, just me. At a (much) later time Galaxy & I dubbed him the “Sexy Lamp” because no matter what version of the story we heard – he never had any agency. We could have replaced him with a sexy lamp and the story wouldn’t have changed one bit. There was always “poor innocent girl who gets taken advantage of” (Galaxy)  and/or “Evil boyfriend stealing bitch” (me) but Black never had any responsibility for anything whatsoever. Apparently I had just carried him off or something? Or maybe looked at him seductively and then he just had to make out with me? With my evil slut powers I guess. (I wish I would have gotten laid as often as people claimed I did…)

Anyway, the next time I met Galaxy & Black I told them the story and we all had a good laugh about it. We thought that was the end of it. Oh boy, were we wrong. 


TWO YEARS later I relayed it to a friend of a friend who knew some people at the university. 
She cracked up all the time and as soon as I had finished she was like “Oooh that must have been that party! Ahaha I’ve heard the wildest stories about it! One guy told me about this lesbian in a leg cast who was so drunk she peed herself and then had to borrow someone else’s costume!”
………
………
………
I…wait, when did I become a lesbian?
To this day, I do not know. It was either the short hair (what I think) or someone mixed up the two stories (what Galaxy thinks) or probably both. It is in any case both hilarious and worthy of a double facepalm. (The ‘peeing herself’ was less funny. I mean seriously.)
My acquaintance believed me when I clarified what had happened but who knows what else is out there? 
We are awaiting the sequel… 😀
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s